6 Reasons You Fancy Some People But Not Others

January 27, 2020

On Friday, 25 January, 2020 I saw a Facebook message pop-up on my phone. It was unusual because I often ensure my Facebook messenger is disabled. However, since the message has dropped, I decided to open it. It happens to be a primary school classmate who went on to rant about how I have been ignoring him and never returning his messages. Truly, the last time I replied any of his messages was in 2015. So to clear my conscience for whatever reasons, I sent him my phone number so I could go off Facebook. He calls, we spoke, and it actually feels good speaking with him again.

This kept me thinking.

Inside life, I have met with so many people- male, female, young, old, freaky, conservative, just name it. I was attracted to some, and others were just like regular people in passing. All of the people I had fancied in my lifetime were similar and dissimilar in unique ways.

Well, if you say you have a favorite colour, then anytime you find a dress or shirt in that colour, it is likely you go for it without a thought.

Is it the same with choosing who one gets attracted to or otherwise?

You have probably experienced a similar dilemma.

Out of my wondering, I researched to know why we are attracted to some people but not others.

Here are six reasons in no particular order

· Proximity

Attraction in groups as a result of proximityhttps://www.google.com/search?tbs=simg:CAQSnwIJ0MAhm0v534gakwILELCMpwgaYgpgCAMSKK8KrgmxCeQDrwnyEaUc4wP_1E-ID3yOtLKospSypLJgsjizXI90jriwaMOv-jLs5hBfvIRWBQ_1VWPz8MIDsxmkgqHkfwok53RbxK_1_19ASexHkCVBrTC5wlkyJSAEDAsQjq7-CBoKCggIARIEImCUQQwLEJ3twQkaiwEKFwoEZ2lybNqliPYDCwoJL20vMDVyNjU1ChkKB2NhcnRvb27apYj2AwoKCC9tLzAyMTVuCh8KDGlsbHVzdHJhdGlvbtqliPYDCwoJL20vMDFrcjhmChYKBWFuaW1l2qWI9gMJCgcvbS8wanh5ChwKCmFkb2xlc2NlbnTapYj2AwoKCC9tLzBsZHB5DA&sxsrf=ACYBGNTQ-0M1ynPOfERbnzn4OQSt45MASA:1580086948461&q=science+of+attraction&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj9zJvKyqLnAhUKxIUKHVodD-IQwg4oAHoECAcQJg

Spending more time with a particular individual either in isolation or in a group increases the possibility that you will find them attractive. This explains why you find classmates, co-workers, team members, or camp mates becoming friends or partners. Walley Jean, a Professor of psychology shares his research, which discovered that a sheer contact with someone recurrently increases the possibility we will be attracted to them. Proximity

allows you to discover more about these individuals and you become fond of them. Little wonder some university relationships or friendships wane after graduation. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Physical appeal

Science of Attraction

No matter the number of hours you spend with certain people, you have to find them physically attractive to want to know them more. It could be in the way they talk, gesticulate, the shape of their beards or the size of certain body parts- I mean, you can mention any other feature that make them attractive to you.

Interestingly, the science behind being attracted to someone’s physical appearance proves that our subconscious associates fertility and health to those physical appearances that attracts us to the other person.

So for instance, if the curviness of a woman is what attracts to as a guy, it does mean that beyond the curviness you find her fertile and healthy.

Another instance is if a lady finds a tall, dark, handsome, and bearded guy attractive, it simply means her subconscious finds him healthy and fertile to be a potential mate- that may not eventually happen because of other factors though.

So the next time you want that girl or guy to look your way, better accentuate your fertile and healthy feature.🤣🤣🤣

Similarity with the trait of a family member or a an opposite sex parent

Can you remember that instance when you made friends with someone because they share a name with your sibling, or one of your parent or a close relative?

Or perhaps you discover that a particular lady or guy on your team, class or camp has a similar trait with a family member or someone who is filial.

Yes, that is what I am talking about.

Research has proven that humans seek affinity to feel safe in a new environment. I remember during NYSC, there was a guy I avoided so much because he sounded like an ex. Another time, I bonded with a friend because he had my father’s name. Research has also proven that, females seek out males that have close trait with their father’s, likewise males seek out traits in their partners and friends that is close to their favorite female family. The danger of this is that humans will avoid people who exhibit negative traits that is similar to the ones their parents exhibit.

So, the next time you find it hard to continue to like that same person after discovering their traits, this might be a reason.

Hormone influence

A Journal of Personality and Socio-Psychology reported studies that confirm that men with high male hormone fancy women with more feminine faces. Also, women are more likely to get attracted to men that look fertile, kind and more dependable when they are ovulating than any other days of the month.

Latham Thomas in her glow

Harrington also reported in 2016 that indeed within the 12 to 24 hours to the ovulation period, a man finds a woman as more attractive.

Although the same scientists say other factors may have a larger influence than the hormones. Either ways, it is a possible explanation why men find some women attractive at certain time of the month.

Similarity or dissimilarity in trait

There is a popular saying that opposite attract. But I must say that it is changing now. Many people are exhausted from dealing with differences, so they would rather stick with people that have more similarities with, than differences from them.

Whatever the case may be for you does not negate the fact that we get attracted to people who are dissimilar to us or similar to us.

Does opposite alone attracts

For instance, a slim lady may find another curvy lady attractive because of the difference in body shape. Likewise a guy and a girl can be attracted to each other because they are similar in things like life interest, ambition, music, fashion style etc.

They can also be attracted to each other by their dissimilarities for instance in height, Intelligence quotient, personal disciplines and abilities.

So the next time you catch a new fancy, check which is the cause- your similarity or your differences?

Stability, dependability and humor

Depandability, stability and humor definitely makes one attractive

Lastly, whether you look attractive or not, there are certain traits that attracts us to some but not to others. It is proven that anyone we find dependable, stable and makes us laugh will always be attractive to us. You might want to do some internal survey now. There are cases when you have been attracted to someone who isn’t has handsome or beautiful as your spec but you are still attracted to them. Here is the reason. They most likely make you feel safe, they have proven to be dependable in whatever areas and they probably make you feel good about yourself by their sense of humor or satire.

It is imperative you discover why you are attracted to anyone to determine how to handle such relationships. Also, an awareness of what attracts you to another helps both partners to communicate with each other properly and respectfully. It also helps to mend relationships that are going south. For instance if one partner is avoiding another, you should be able to ask if it is as a result of a trait raising a red flag or because the other partner is now distant among other reasons.

Till we meet in my next blog post, Remember to love, live and not regret a thing InsideLife